Nowhere To Go

What am I supposed to do now?
My lust has no focus.
It is pent up and consumes me now.
There is no beauty in this.
I do not love. I do not feel much at all now.
I've longed to be detached and have longed to emote ever since.

I swear I didn't know that it would hurt to not hurt.
How can it hurt to shoot first?
Kill the pain. Kill the bad emotions before they ever enter my brain.
But Loneliness seems more resilient than this tactic.
One emotion that seems to dance and dodge shots with moves; erratic
actions causing the search of relief from sadness.

This is backwards.
Results that are not what you would expect them to be.
A fall from what seemed to be my Babylon, she had first place wrongfully.
A happiness that led to pain, then detachment.
I was a star that fell from the sky then hit earth crashing.

Scared of Expression

These feelings just kept eating away at my soul.
I clutch myself to maintain self-control.
To let it out I scream and shout.
To no avail, the pain is still there.

Put words to pen to paper.
I couldn't do it anymore.
What would they think of my inner demons?
As if my job was to please them.
And it was in my mind.
So just let the pressure build over time.

Eruption; Scream and holler to no avail.
Try to get it out but continue to fail.

With no muse I'm no longer content.
With my focus on life's beauty
began my downward descent.
But I will no longer glorify this unnatural abyss.