I'm so tired of being alone.
Tired of spending every night by myself in my home.
And Mary Jane stay calling but let's be honest she's just not cutting it.
But she's all I got left, cuz when it comes to relationships I can't put any trust in it.
Let her burn, let her essence fall into a French curl.
Lay consumed by the music floating far above every problem in the world.
Never enough, I'm tired of transcending galaxies.
Much rather fly so high I transcend reality.
When did it occur that I have no one to call,
when I'm alone weighted down by it all?
Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Euphoria III
I need you. Can't be without you.
I'm feigning for you. Dreaming of you.
I'm so lost. I'm pleading for you.
Now your back. Don't ever leave me.
Bring your body close.
Become one. Let the music play.
Lights stream all around us.
Feel you against me. In perfect harmony.
Let us move together, in our forever dance.
Lights stream all around us.
You lift up my hands.
We hold a steady gaze.
Lights reflect in your eyes.
I'm paralyzed.
Your beauty mezmerizes.
Your body so close.
I don't ever want it to go.
Our bodies float.
I embrace you.
I'll never let you go.
Lights stream in waves around us.
I'm so astounded.
This is where the peak is.
Never let it end.
But an end must come to everything that began.
I'm feigning for you. Dreaming of you.
I'm so lost. I'm pleading for you.
Now your back. Don't ever leave me.
Bring your body close.
Become one. Let the music play.
Lights stream all around us.
Feel you against me. In perfect harmony.
Let us move together, in our forever dance.
Lights stream all around us.
You lift up my hands.
We hold a steady gaze.
Lights reflect in your eyes.
I'm paralyzed.
Your beauty mezmerizes.
Your body so close.
I don't ever want it to go.
Our bodies float.
I embrace you.
I'll never let you go.
Lights stream in waves around us.
I'm so astounded.
This is where the peak is.
Never let it end.
But an end must come to everything that began.
Death of a Samurai: Pt. 2
He stares down at the scene he created.
At the creature with his katana he devasted.
He'd come looking for blood to spill.
His blood boiling with the chance to kill.
Disappointed by the lack of challenge his adversary offered.
He looked down at the woman he'd slaughtered.
His katana wet with her crimson blood.
His ears perked when her body had fallen to the floor with a thud.
His eyes dancing with excitement from the feeling of killing.
His lack of remorse so ice cold it was chilling.
He left an easy to follow trail.
Knowing someone would be close on his tail.
He hoped to find a worthy challenger to battle.
He was tired of cutting down humans for mantles.
He lay in the woods and awaits.
The battle that had become fate.
At the creature with his katana he devasted.
He'd come looking for blood to spill.
His blood boiling with the chance to kill.
Disappointed by the lack of challenge his adversary offered.
He looked down at the woman he'd slaughtered.
His katana wet with her crimson blood.
His ears perked when her body had fallen to the floor with a thud.
His eyes dancing with excitement from the feeling of killing.
His lack of remorse so ice cold it was chilling.
He left an easy to follow trail.
Knowing someone would be close on his tail.
He hoped to find a worthy challenger to battle.
He was tired of cutting down humans for mantles.
He lay in the woods and awaits.
The battle that had become fate.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Euphoria II
We call it euphoria, they call it manic.
I tell them shut the Fuck up, God dammit.
The feeling is so fucking fantastic.
They criticize and I can't stand it.
They fear the feeling, but I demand it.
Let the feeling in, let it wreak havoc.
Then I write it. Then I scream it. Paint it on a fucking canvas.
Dance and writhe like a fucking savage.
Tire out and drop to the floor, thankful for that moment, so glad I had it.
Scream out loud.
Fall to ground.
On my knees.
Feeling pleased.
Music plays.
Minutes feel like fucking days.
Feeling like I'm no longer sane.
Crazy thoughts all in my damned brain.
Lay on the floor, close my eyes.
And I fantasize:
Jump out a window, land on my feet.
Stomp the ground, earthquakes shake the streets.
Spazz out, hands flailing to the beat.
Pigs come to stop me, I'll never accept defeat.
Blast them away with laser beams.
Open my eyes, next song plays.
Wishing I could do this everyday.
I tell them shut the Fuck up, God dammit.
The feeling is so fucking fantastic.
They criticize and I can't stand it.
They fear the feeling, but I demand it.
Let the feeling in, let it wreak havoc.
Then I write it. Then I scream it. Paint it on a fucking canvas.
Dance and writhe like a fucking savage.
Tire out and drop to the floor, thankful for that moment, so glad I had it.
Scream out loud.
Fall to ground.
On my knees.
Feeling pleased.
Music plays.
Minutes feel like fucking days.
Feeling like I'm no longer sane.
Crazy thoughts all in my damned brain.
Lay on the floor, close my eyes.
And I fantasize:
Jump out a window, land on my feet.
Stomp the ground, earthquakes shake the streets.
Spazz out, hands flailing to the beat.
Pigs come to stop me, I'll never accept defeat.
Blast them away with laser beams.
Open my eyes, next song plays.
Wishing I could do this everyday.
Euphoria
I need to be there.To feel it again.
The peace.
The happiness.
It is unlike any other.
Such perfection and purity in nothingness.
Bliss, untainted.
Uncriticized, untouched.
Darkness.
Judged, misunderstood.
Darkness.
I need to be there.
Freedom, escape.
Isolation.
I need to be there.
To feel it again.
To exist among the darkness.
So pure and free.
Music resonating through me.
Voices singing the perfect melody.
Darkness.
Euphoria......
The peace.
The happiness.
It is unlike any other.
Such perfection and purity in nothingness.
Bliss, untainted.
Uncriticized, untouched.
Darkness.
Judged, misunderstood.
Darkness.
I need to be there.
Freedom, escape.
Isolation.
I need to be there.
To feel it again.
To exist among the darkness.
So pure and free.
Music resonating through me.
Voices singing the perfect melody.
Darkness.
Euphoria......
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Death of a Samurai: Part 1
Blood drips from her fingertips down her arm from the wound inflicted on her shoulder by the katana.
The punishment shown by whoever's family she dishonored.
Vacancy left in her lifeless open eyes.
A pain-stricken face frozen in place after her demise.
Her kimono blood soaked by an open wound.
Stabbed in the abdomen, the katana spelled her doom.
Scratches all over her body showing signs of a fight.
Her sword is the one thing missing from this bloody sight.
Her body lies in a pool of her own blood, her soul no longer on the human plane.
She fought an adversary, her goal to cause that person a fate that is the same.
She fought in honor of her name and family.
She fought in the place of her husband who is me.
While I was away she fought to protect her home in my stead.
And now she lays slain at my knees dead.
I close her eyelids to allow her soul to rest in peace.
I swear I'll avenge my wife as a I breathe.
Tears stream down my cheeks.
My mind slowly becoming consumed with the revenge that I seek.
I pick up her body and hold her close.
I leave her and the life that I'd known first.
I disappear into the night weilding dual black and white katanas.
And begin my journey to restore my family honor.
The punishment shown by whoever's family she dishonored.
Vacancy left in her lifeless open eyes.
A pain-stricken face frozen in place after her demise.
Her kimono blood soaked by an open wound.
Stabbed in the abdomen, the katana spelled her doom.
Scratches all over her body showing signs of a fight.
Her sword is the one thing missing from this bloody sight.
Her body lies in a pool of her own blood, her soul no longer on the human plane.
She fought an adversary, her goal to cause that person a fate that is the same.
She fought in honor of her name and family.
She fought in the place of her husband who is me.
While I was away she fought to protect her home in my stead.
And now she lays slain at my knees dead.
I close her eyelids to allow her soul to rest in peace.
I swear I'll avenge my wife as a I breathe.
Tears stream down my cheeks.
My mind slowly becoming consumed with the revenge that I seek.
I pick up her body and hold her close.
I leave her and the life that I'd known first.
I disappear into the night weilding dual black and white katanas.
And begin my journey to restore my family honor.
Moonlit Fantasy
She walked forth as if out of nowhere draped only in moonlight.
The hue of her yellow skin silhouetted by the moon.
Her long legs giving way to a beauty of untouched perfection.
She turns and I'm graced with the sight of a perfectly shaped rear.
The arch of her back leading towards shoulder blades perfectly shaped,
covered by long brown hair reaching down to the arch in her back.
She turns to face me, a flat stomach under immaculate breasts.
Her dark areoles centered by hardened nipples.
As my gaze rises upwards I see full lips that ache to be kissed.
Her eyes mirroring an emptiness and loneliness reflected back in my own.
She comes closer and my heart begins to pound.
She presses her right hand against my chest.
She pushes me onto the bed that has appeared in the moonlit outdoors,
her eyes gazing steadily into mine.
Her lips brush gently against mine as her left hand slides downwards.
She speaks in an angelic tone unlike any voice I've ever heard.
She says that she knows the pain that I've felt.
That she is alone and that she can save me from my despair.
Her hand reaches it's destination.
I lean forward to kiss her lips, they call out to me.
She pushes me back and whispers not yet.
I lean back and relax, watching her look, enticed by what is in her hand.
Those piercing eyes turned lustful and playful.
She slides her head down, her hand still on my chest.
Her hair covers her face.
Her lips kiss my dick and my eyes give away my eagerness.
She continues to tease me with light licks and kisses testing my patience.
My eyes beg for her to please me, to release me from this hell and into euphoria.
Finally she laments.
I watch her beautiful lips wrap around my dick and I feel her tongue.
Her head begins to move up and down. I watch,
transfixed on the amount of pleasure I feel.
She stops far too soon.
I look on confused as she maneuvers herself so that her rear is above me.
I gaze at the pink opening above me with anticipation.
She lowers herself upon my face and wetenss engulfs me.
I begin to lick her clitoris and I feel her body writhing with pleasure.
I feel her mouth around my dick yet again.
The more I eat and taste her pussy, the more her body shakes.
She stops sucking and sits up, leaning her head back, arching her body she begins to moan.
She screams for me not to stop, for me to hit the same spot.
Her body shakes, harder this time and her cheeks press against mine.
After a moment she begins to suck again, her ass moving hypnotically above my face.
I dig into the sheets of the bed as she begins to be more vigorous.
My muscles tense as I climax into her mouth and she swallows it all without complaint.
She maneuvers herself so that she may face me and rests her pussy against my dick.
She lifts up and I enter her, the warmth and wetness unlike any I'd felt before.
I grab her perfect ass, and begin to thrust, her face meer inches away from mine, her hair coming from her head and resting on my face.
Hers is the most beautiful face I've ever seen.
She bites her lips and let's out a moan.
She whispers yes.
She says it again and again, repeating it, getting louder with each time.
She begins to scream for me to thrust harder and faster, and I oblige,
only interested in pleasing her.
She digs her nails into my chest and bares her teeth in pleasure.
The look on her face excites me and tells me that she is enjoying this.
I feel her grip around me, as she begins to move her body upwards and down again,
rhythmic like the waves of the ocean.
She grabs my hands and holds them above my head and grins.
She flips her hair out of her face and begins to ride more fiercely, letting out moans,
each louder than the one before it.
She screams my name and for a moment I feel fulfilled.
I feel a connection but I need more.
I need to set myself free from whatever it is that binds me.
I flip her over onto her back and I get on top of her.
I stop to look at her beautiful ass and I stare onwards and take in the beauty that
is her backside.
I place my hands on top of hers and kiss her neck gently.
I enter her again.
She let's out a sharp breath, not expecting what just occurred to be so sudden.
She smiles and bites her lips.
I grab her hair and make her arch her back.
Her screams echo through the air.
She says not to stop, that she is about to cum.
I thrust harder and faster, attempting to prolong her ecstasy.
She climaxes.
Her hands dig into the sheets, her body shakes uncontrollably.
I do not stop, I thrust faster, her body still shaking.
She screams.
My body tenses and then releases.
I cum.
I still do not feel free.
It is not enough, I need to kiss her. To look into her eyes and know that I will never be alone.
I law down beside her and she crawls back on top of me. Her face inches away from mine.
Her gaze holds steady as she looks into my eyes.
She knows what I want, what I need, what I desire.
She says that we can lay together forever.
That we will know love.
Know peace.
And happiness.
She brushes her hand I against my face.
She says she will never leave me.
But if I accept, there will be no return.
I do not speak.
She knows my reply.
She leans downward so that her lips may touch mine,
and cause our souls to forever embrace.
Lightning strikes and thunder claps.
I am awake.
I listen to rain patter against my window pane.
I turn my head right and look out of it.
I see the place where it all transpired.
Sadness and lonliness overwhelmes me.
I was so close to peace.
To freedom.
Her lips mere centimeters away from mine.
In this bed, our love was engulfed and silhouetted by moonlight.
But it was just a dream.
But I felt it.
Mind and body.
I could feel her body against mine moving as rhythmically as the tide.
It was more than fantasy.
Maybe again she shall visit me, if I sleep.
And our soul embrace can be made complete.
The hue of her yellow skin silhouetted by the moon.
Her long legs giving way to a beauty of untouched perfection.
She turns and I'm graced with the sight of a perfectly shaped rear.
The arch of her back leading towards shoulder blades perfectly shaped,
covered by long brown hair reaching down to the arch in her back.
She turns to face me, a flat stomach under immaculate breasts.
Her dark areoles centered by hardened nipples.
As my gaze rises upwards I see full lips that ache to be kissed.
Her eyes mirroring an emptiness and loneliness reflected back in my own.
She comes closer and my heart begins to pound.
She presses her right hand against my chest.
She pushes me onto the bed that has appeared in the moonlit outdoors,
her eyes gazing steadily into mine.
Her lips brush gently against mine as her left hand slides downwards.
She speaks in an angelic tone unlike any voice I've ever heard.
She says that she knows the pain that I've felt.
That she is alone and that she can save me from my despair.
Her hand reaches it's destination.
I lean forward to kiss her lips, they call out to me.
She pushes me back and whispers not yet.
I lean back and relax, watching her look, enticed by what is in her hand.
Those piercing eyes turned lustful and playful.
She slides her head down, her hand still on my chest.
Her hair covers her face.
Her lips kiss my dick and my eyes give away my eagerness.
She continues to tease me with light licks and kisses testing my patience.
My eyes beg for her to please me, to release me from this hell and into euphoria.
Finally she laments.
I watch her beautiful lips wrap around my dick and I feel her tongue.
Her head begins to move up and down. I watch,
transfixed on the amount of pleasure I feel.
She stops far too soon.
I look on confused as she maneuvers herself so that her rear is above me.
I gaze at the pink opening above me with anticipation.
She lowers herself upon my face and wetenss engulfs me.
I begin to lick her clitoris and I feel her body writhing with pleasure.
I feel her mouth around my dick yet again.
The more I eat and taste her pussy, the more her body shakes.
She stops sucking and sits up, leaning her head back, arching her body she begins to moan.
She screams for me not to stop, for me to hit the same spot.
Her body shakes, harder this time and her cheeks press against mine.
After a moment she begins to suck again, her ass moving hypnotically above my face.
I dig into the sheets of the bed as she begins to be more vigorous.
My muscles tense as I climax into her mouth and she swallows it all without complaint.
She maneuvers herself so that she may face me and rests her pussy against my dick.
She lifts up and I enter her, the warmth and wetness unlike any I'd felt before.
I grab her perfect ass, and begin to thrust, her face meer inches away from mine, her hair coming from her head and resting on my face.
Hers is the most beautiful face I've ever seen.
She bites her lips and let's out a moan.
She whispers yes.
She says it again and again, repeating it, getting louder with each time.
She begins to scream for me to thrust harder and faster, and I oblige,
only interested in pleasing her.
She digs her nails into my chest and bares her teeth in pleasure.
The look on her face excites me and tells me that she is enjoying this.
I feel her grip around me, as she begins to move her body upwards and down again,
rhythmic like the waves of the ocean.
She grabs my hands and holds them above my head and grins.
She flips her hair out of her face and begins to ride more fiercely, letting out moans,
each louder than the one before it.
She screams my name and for a moment I feel fulfilled.
I feel a connection but I need more.
I need to set myself free from whatever it is that binds me.
I flip her over onto her back and I get on top of her.
I stop to look at her beautiful ass and I stare onwards and take in the beauty that
is her backside.
I place my hands on top of hers and kiss her neck gently.
I enter her again.
She let's out a sharp breath, not expecting what just occurred to be so sudden.
She smiles and bites her lips.
I grab her hair and make her arch her back.
Her screams echo through the air.
She says not to stop, that she is about to cum.
I thrust harder and faster, attempting to prolong her ecstasy.
She climaxes.
Her hands dig into the sheets, her body shakes uncontrollably.
I do not stop, I thrust faster, her body still shaking.
She screams.
My body tenses and then releases.
I cum.
I still do not feel free.
It is not enough, I need to kiss her. To look into her eyes and know that I will never be alone.
I law down beside her and she crawls back on top of me. Her face inches away from mine.
Her gaze holds steady as she looks into my eyes.
She knows what I want, what I need, what I desire.
She says that we can lay together forever.
That we will know love.
Know peace.
And happiness.
She brushes her hand I against my face.
She says she will never leave me.
But if I accept, there will be no return.
I do not speak.
She knows my reply.
She leans downward so that her lips may touch mine,
and cause our souls to forever embrace.
Lightning strikes and thunder claps.
I am awake.
I listen to rain patter against my window pane.
I turn my head right and look out of it.
I see the place where it all transpired.
Sadness and lonliness overwhelmes me.
I was so close to peace.
To freedom.
Her lips mere centimeters away from mine.
In this bed, our love was engulfed and silhouetted by moonlight.
But it was just a dream.
But I felt it.
Mind and body.
I could feel her body against mine moving as rhythmically as the tide.
It was more than fantasy.
Maybe again she shall visit me, if I sleep.
And our soul embrace can be made complete.
Hypothetically
What if you could find your soul?
And free it from the human world.
Free it from the pain of loss?
The pain of truth?
The pain of betrayal?
What if you could find your soul?
And wash it clean of past mistakes.
Free it from the pain regret?
Undo the lies?
Undo hurt?
What if you could find your soul?
What if you had lost it?
Had no clue how to find it
Had no clue how it came to be lost
But can still feel it ache.
What if you were me?
And free it from the human world.
Free it from the pain of loss?
The pain of truth?
The pain of betrayal?
What if you could find your soul?
And wash it clean of past mistakes.
Free it from the pain regret?
Undo the lies?
Undo hurt?
What if you could find your soul?
What if you had lost it?
Had no clue how to find it
Had no clue how it came to be lost
But can still feel it ache.
What if you were me?
A Body IV: During The Day
My body needs a body even after the sunrise
The lack of what I need gives silent cries and deep sighs
It's been months without her and it feels like time flies
But whoever said time heals all wounds clearly lied.
My mind spaces out during the day.
Remember the things we used to do and things to her I'd say
I used to love comforting her when she leaned her body on me
As if my body could say, I love you, don't cry, everything's okay.
I daydream of the body every night and day
That used to heal me and take my pain away
But now that we speak again I find these things hard to say
But I have to admit this so these words I say
The lack of what I need gives silent cries and deep sighs
It's been months without her and it feels like time flies
But whoever said time heals all wounds clearly lied.
My mind spaces out during the day.
Remember the things we used to do and things to her I'd say
I used to love comforting her when she leaned her body on me
As if my body could say, I love you, don't cry, everything's okay.
I daydream of the body every night and day
That used to heal me and take my pain away
But now that we speak again I find these things hard to say
But I have to admit this so these words I say
Angel of Death
I knew I'd never give my heart to away
But she stole my heart that day
And when she did somehow I thought that everything would be ok
But now she's playing puppeteer
Pulling on my heart strings
Telling me I'll always love you dear
Used to be alone
Now being alone is my greatest fear
And I live that fear everyday
Let me just make that clear
I lay in bed at night
Knowing we'll never be what we were
But constantly trying to make things right
As I lay I there looking to my right
I see a flash just outside my line of sight
As I look to my left I see a creature that can take it all away
She stands there with murky brown eyes that match her skin tone
Her white wings show that in the open window she's just flown
The way she looks at me is like she's staring through me to my soul
Perfect body, arch in her back, here to take me out of this world
She floats above me
And hovers down til she lands on top of me gently
I need the love of the Angel of Death
Her warm embrace, her tender touch, an her angelic caress
I'm looking at her noticing she's withstood time's test
I make her promise things b/w her and I will be different
She won't bring me to my coffin and leave me like all the rest
She tells me that we will spend eternity in endless sex
And that she'll put the things that haunt my mind and soul to rest
I can't wait to smell her sweet breath in that kiss death
I'm looking at her like I know she'll be my best
The grave undigs itself and the coffin opens on it's own
It seems as though time has slown
She lays down in the coffin that is red velvet hand sown
She tells me to come to her everything will be alright
But before I can take the steps I'm woken up by thunderclaps and lightning strikes
I look out my window and all I can see is a thunderstorm tonight
Will I even find true peace in my dreams?
It's unlikely it seems.
But she stole my heart that day
And when she did somehow I thought that everything would be ok
But now she's playing puppeteer
Pulling on my heart strings
Telling me I'll always love you dear
Used to be alone
Now being alone is my greatest fear
And I live that fear everyday
Let me just make that clear
I lay in bed at night
Knowing we'll never be what we were
But constantly trying to make things right
As I lay I there looking to my right
I see a flash just outside my line of sight
As I look to my left I see a creature that can take it all away
She stands there with murky brown eyes that match her skin tone
Her white wings show that in the open window she's just flown
The way she looks at me is like she's staring through me to my soul
Perfect body, arch in her back, here to take me out of this world
She floats above me
And hovers down til she lands on top of me gently
I need the love of the Angel of Death
Her warm embrace, her tender touch, an her angelic caress
I'm looking at her noticing she's withstood time's test
I make her promise things b/w her and I will be different
She won't bring me to my coffin and leave me like all the rest
She tells me that we will spend eternity in endless sex
And that she'll put the things that haunt my mind and soul to rest
I can't wait to smell her sweet breath in that kiss death
I'm looking at her like I know she'll be my best
The grave undigs itself and the coffin opens on it's own
It seems as though time has slown
She lays down in the coffin that is red velvet hand sown
She tells me to come to her everything will be alright
But before I can take the steps I'm woken up by thunderclaps and lightning strikes
I look out my window and all I can see is a thunderstorm tonight
Will I even find true peace in my dreams?
It's unlikely it seems.
The Dragon
I am the beast looking daily for his beauty.
While knights in armor come to slay me as their duty.
The village sees me as a threat because they see their livestock die.
They curse me every time I fly by.
All I want is to fly high in my red skies.
Looking for a princess with love in her eyes.
I want to ease the pain she gives out in silent cries.
I am the dragon born to be slain.
A malevolent creature born to spew flames.
The knights come at me with metal shields and surnames.
And my actions of defense are reasons I should die they exclaim.
I am the dragon strong and proud.
I fly high in the sky and my wings flap loud.
Looking for my angel way up above the clouds.
The life of a dragon is lonely so my heart screams out.
My soul knows it's alone but it's covered in sin.
Looking for a princess that'll love me for whats within.
While knights in armor come to slay me as their duty.
The village sees me as a threat because they see their livestock die.
They curse me every time I fly by.
All I want is to fly high in my red skies.
Looking for a princess with love in her eyes.
I want to ease the pain she gives out in silent cries.
I am the dragon born to be slain.
A malevolent creature born to spew flames.
The knights come at me with metal shields and surnames.
And my actions of defense are reasons I should die they exclaim.
I am the dragon strong and proud.
I fly high in the sky and my wings flap loud.
Looking for my angel way up above the clouds.
The life of a dragon is lonely so my heart screams out.
My soul knows it's alone but it's covered in sin.
Looking for a princess that'll love me for whats within.
Connection II: The Ache
I can take this ache no longer.
This ache that's lasted from summer to summer.
I wonder how much longer I shall suffer.
This ache is beyond my body and mind.
It won't leave until another woman I find.
To spend my life with instead of just casual and idle time.
I try to relieve it with physical releases and sighs.
I'm no longer having fun so time no longer flies.
I try to hide the pain that is visible in my eyes.
My soul is in pain but it reflects in me.
The ache makes my mind linger on the past and my heart bleed.
My soul longs for love because that's what it needs.
The loneliness makes my flames of passion dull.
The ache only worsens from the memories that are in my skull.
I remember what I had and the beautiful days that I saw.
And wish that i could repeat them all.
This ache that's lasted from summer to summer.
I wonder how much longer I shall suffer.
This ache is beyond my body and mind.
It won't leave until another woman I find.
To spend my life with instead of just casual and idle time.
I try to relieve it with physical releases and sighs.
I'm no longer having fun so time no longer flies.
I try to hide the pain that is visible in my eyes.
My soul is in pain but it reflects in me.
The ache makes my mind linger on the past and my heart bleed.
My soul longs for love because that's what it needs.
The loneliness makes my flames of passion dull.
The ache only worsens from the memories that are in my skull.
I remember what I had and the beautiful days that I saw.
And wish that i could repeat them all.
A Connection
My soul aches for a connection.
I need more than what I can explain.
I do not wish to be alone.
I do not wish to be not alone.
I want everything that the world has to offer me.
But yet I only want to live comfortably.
I want to have my intergrity.
I need to be in control.
I need to accept that I cannot control everything.
Everything would just fall into place if I had that connection.
It isn't a psychological or bodily need.
All of me needs it.
I feign for it.
In my center, not my heart, not my mind.
My soul feigns for that connection.
The connection that makes everything okay.
The connection that frees me and binds.
The connection that makes everything okay,
even when it's not.
The connection that makes everyday beyond just worth living.
The connection that makes each day a day that can be savored and remembered.
I need more than what I can explain.
I do not wish to be alone.
I do not wish to be not alone.
I want everything that the world has to offer me.
But yet I only want to live comfortably.
I want to have my intergrity.
I need to be in control.
I need to accept that I cannot control everything.
Everything would just fall into place if I had that connection.
It isn't a psychological or bodily need.
All of me needs it.
I feign for it.
In my center, not my heart, not my mind.
My soul feigns for that connection.
The connection that makes everything okay.
The connection that frees me and binds.
The connection that makes everything okay,
even when it's not.
The connection that makes everyday beyond just worth living.
The connection that makes each day a day that can be savored and remembered.
When You Find - Wiz Khalifa. Perfect Song
Damn..
don't, don't..
daamn.
Don't leave
cuz you're my oxygen,
without you I won't breathe.
You're everything I want, need,
for you I wear my heart on a short sleeve.
I know somethings need changing
that takes time, I need more, please.
You say I ain't do everything I coulda done,
like the shit i did ain't good enough.
Your friends said they been woulda left.
Ain't do you right so you head to the left.
I can't say that i blame you,
never thought it would be this painful.
People do it everyday - i can change too.
But, dealin with the heartbreak is what she can't do - true
& thats how real get.
whatcha feel ain't easy to deal with.
CHORUS;
When you find the girl you love has gone,
you ask yourself why life must go on.
You beg your lord above, to send someone your way
deep inside you pray he'll bring her back someday.
Don't go,
how to live my life without you, i just don't know.
Whatcha feel in this relationship, its not that it can't, it just won't grow.
I say i love you, you say it don't show.
Fuck the money & the gifts don't count.
What about the smaller things you needed?
& why the fuck you had too leave before i seen it.
Damn i need your love like a weed stick.
Bein without you is like kathy no regis.
I kept secrets i couldn't apologize enough times for messin with that freak bitch,
but i can still tell that you leavin.
Like i said i can't blame you the least bit,
crying shame is
times is changin.
Best friends become strangers
thats how it is.
CHORUS;
When you find the girl you love has gone,
you ask yourself why life must go on.
you beg your lord above, to send someone your way
deep inside you pray he'll bring her back someday.
don't, don't..
daamn.
Don't leave
cuz you're my oxygen,
without you I won't breathe.
You're everything I want, need,
for you I wear my heart on a short sleeve.
I know somethings need changing
that takes time, I need more, please.
You say I ain't do everything I coulda done,
like the shit i did ain't good enough.
Your friends said they been woulda left.
Ain't do you right so you head to the left.
I can't say that i blame you,
never thought it would be this painful.
People do it everyday - i can change too.
But, dealin with the heartbreak is what she can't do - true
& thats how real get.
whatcha feel ain't easy to deal with.
CHORUS;
When you find the girl you love has gone,
you ask yourself why life must go on.
You beg your lord above, to send someone your way
deep inside you pray he'll bring her back someday.
Don't go,
how to live my life without you, i just don't know.
Whatcha feel in this relationship, its not that it can't, it just won't grow.
I say i love you, you say it don't show.
Fuck the money & the gifts don't count.
What about the smaller things you needed?
& why the fuck you had too leave before i seen it.
Damn i need your love like a weed stick.
Bein without you is like kathy no regis.
I kept secrets i couldn't apologize enough times for messin with that freak bitch,
but i can still tell that you leavin.
Like i said i can't blame you the least bit,
crying shame is
times is changin.
Best friends become strangers
thats how it is.
CHORUS;
When you find the girl you love has gone,
you ask yourself why life must go on.
you beg your lord above, to send someone your way
deep inside you pray he'll bring her back someday.
A Body: III
At night my body craves another
To lay on my chest as we lay under the covers.
To hold as she listens to my heartbeat
As the rhythm slows and I fall into a deep sleep.
At night my body craves another
It wants the same girl and no other.
It wants not sex, only rest
Although getting through the night without it may be a test.
At night my body breaks out in cold sweats
As my arms reach out for you and find no-one my mind gets restless.
Until loneliness pulls me out of my sleep
For me to try again and end up doing a repeat.
At night my body breaks out in cold sweats
Regretting the nights it took for granted the body with which it had been blessed.
It dreams the dreams of again feeling her touch
It seems that her body has made my dreams corrupt.
To lay on my chest as we lay under the covers.
To hold as she listens to my heartbeat
As the rhythm slows and I fall into a deep sleep.
At night my body craves another
It wants the same girl and no other.
It wants not sex, only rest
Although getting through the night without it may be a test.
At night my body breaks out in cold sweats
As my arms reach out for you and find no-one my mind gets restless.
Until loneliness pulls me out of my sleep
For me to try again and end up doing a repeat.
At night my body breaks out in cold sweats
Regretting the nights it took for granted the body with which it had been blessed.
It dreams the dreams of again feeling her touch
It seems that her body has made my dreams corrupt.
A Time
There was a time when there was someone I gave my all to.
A time when I felt there was someone to share my burdens with.
A time where I didn't feel as though the weight of the world was on my shoulders.
You were the reason for that time.
Now is a time where my heart is heavy and my mind is burdened.
Now is a time where there are plenty of people to share with.
Now is a time where none of them I feel a connection with.
You are the reason for this time.
Then was a time where I felt like time with you would be a dream I'd never wake from.
Now is a time where I feel as though this nightmare will never end.
Then is a time when I thought I'd never see this nightmare.
Now is a time where I wish my dream would begin again.
Now is a time where I realize that it's time to allow my life to change.
Then is a time where I thought I could never move on.
Now is a time where I decide i must move on.
Now is a time where I don't know if I can.
There was a time where I knew we would last forever,
A time where i would spend nights by your side.
There was a time where I knew our love would carry us through anything.
That time was when I looked in your eyes.
Now is a time where I wonder how I got from there to this time.
A time where I'm afraid to stare into those eyes.
Now is a time where I wonder how I let things progress.
To a time where I cannot even look at you.
Now is a time of forward progression.
Now is a time where I can no longer look back.
Now is a time where I can no longer long for that time.
Now is the time where I leave all of this behind.
A time when I felt there was someone to share my burdens with.
A time where I didn't feel as though the weight of the world was on my shoulders.
You were the reason for that time.
Now is a time where my heart is heavy and my mind is burdened.
Now is a time where there are plenty of people to share with.
Now is a time where none of them I feel a connection with.
You are the reason for this time.
Then was a time where I felt like time with you would be a dream I'd never wake from.
Now is a time where I feel as though this nightmare will never end.
Then is a time when I thought I'd never see this nightmare.
Now is a time where I wish my dream would begin again.
Now is a time where I realize that it's time to allow my life to change.
Then is a time where I thought I could never move on.
Now is a time where I decide i must move on.
Now is a time where I don't know if I can.
There was a time where I knew we would last forever,
A time where i would spend nights by your side.
There was a time where I knew our love would carry us through anything.
That time was when I looked in your eyes.
Now is a time where I wonder how I got from there to this time.
A time where I'm afraid to stare into those eyes.
Now is a time where I wonder how I let things progress.
To a time where I cannot even look at you.
Now is a time of forward progression.
Now is a time where I can no longer look back.
Now is a time where I can no longer long for that time.
Now is the time where I leave all of this behind.
A Man
To lead is to understand that your actions effect more than just yourself but those around.
To be an example is to understand that there are always other people watching you, emulating you.
To be a good brother is to have your brothers' back, to take care of them, to make sure no one hurts them, to enforce your parents teachings.
To be a good boyfriend is to listen and to understand, to be there when no one else is, to push her to be her greatest self and to recognize that somethings just aren't worth fighting for.
To be a good husband is to take care of her, to love her, to grow old with her, to know her, to make sure she is never lonely, to show her that with age does not come the loss of passion.
To be a good father is to take care of your children, to enforce the ideas of right and wrong, to discipline when necessary, to admit when you are wrong, to love your children unconditionally.
To be a man is to be honest to yourself first, to be honest to others second, to live up to your responsibilities, to do what's right despite your desires and needs. To recognize that sometimes you need to put others before yourself.
I dream of a world where I have the strength to lead those who need guidance.
I dream of a world where I am a proper example to those who seek one.
I dream of a world where I am good brother. I dream I am an example to them. Someone to protect them from their own mistakes. Someone that does not lead them into trouble.
I dream of a world where I could once again be a good boyfriend to someone who needs it. I dream I can offer her an ear to listen, a mind to understand, a presence when there is no other, and a compromising spirit.
I dream of a world where I am a loyal husband to my wife. I dream I am able to take care of her, to love her, to grow old with her, to keep her company, and to remain passionate as time fades us away.
I dream of a world where my wife and I have children. I dream I am a good father who raises his kids into something I can be proud of.
These things I am not.
But I am a man.
To be an example is to understand that there are always other people watching you, emulating you.
To be a good brother is to have your brothers' back, to take care of them, to make sure no one hurts them, to enforce your parents teachings.
To be a good boyfriend is to listen and to understand, to be there when no one else is, to push her to be her greatest self and to recognize that somethings just aren't worth fighting for.
To be a good husband is to take care of her, to love her, to grow old with her, to know her, to make sure she is never lonely, to show her that with age does not come the loss of passion.
To be a good father is to take care of your children, to enforce the ideas of right and wrong, to discipline when necessary, to admit when you are wrong, to love your children unconditionally.
To be a man is to be honest to yourself first, to be honest to others second, to live up to your responsibilities, to do what's right despite your desires and needs. To recognize that sometimes you need to put others before yourself.
I dream of a world where I have the strength to lead those who need guidance.
I dream of a world where I am a proper example to those who seek one.
I dream of a world where I am good brother. I dream I am an example to them. Someone to protect them from their own mistakes. Someone that does not lead them into trouble.
I dream of a world where I could once again be a good boyfriend to someone who needs it. I dream I can offer her an ear to listen, a mind to understand, a presence when there is no other, and a compromising spirit.
I dream of a world where I am a loyal husband to my wife. I dream I am able to take care of her, to love her, to grow old with her, to keep her company, and to remain passionate as time fades us away.
I dream of a world where my wife and I have children. I dream I am a good father who raises his kids into something I can be proud of.
These things I am not.
But I am a man.
A Body: II
A Body:
I want a body to caress
To hold against mine at night
Because I know with a body I'll get more rest
And then we can start the morning right.
Her Body:
I want her to brush against my lips
with the tease of a first kiss
that makes me reach for her hips
to feel the warmth and bliss
that is her body
No Body:
I want to be without the fear
Of thinking one day a body that I have will leave from here
And leave me again desiring what I desire now
To be close to a woman in more ways than just sex
With a beautiful body next to mine a pray to be blessed.
But if it came and then left
I'd be far past depressed.
I want a body to caress
To hold against mine at night
Because I know with a body I'll get more rest
And then we can start the morning right.
Her Body:
I want her to brush against my lips
with the tease of a first kiss
that makes me reach for her hips
to feel the warmth and bliss
that is her body
No Body:
I want to be without the fear
Of thinking one day a body that I have will leave from here
And leave me again desiring what I desire now
To be close to a woman in more ways than just sex
With a beautiful body next to mine a pray to be blessed.
But if it came and then left
I'd be far past depressed.
Love
To be unsure
To desire
To hate
To feel pain
To be happy
To trust
To be yourself
To expect
To be disappointed
To defend
To hurt
To be hurt
To grow
To compromise
To lust
To please
To dream of a future
To inspire
To wish
To value
To cry or watch cry
To be willing to suffer
To dream
To be disappointed
To lie
To be exposed
To be sure
To doubt
To desire
To hate
To feel pain
To be happy
To trust
To be yourself
To expect
To be disappointed
To defend
To hurt
To be hurt
To grow
To compromise
To lust
To please
To dream of a future
To inspire
To wish
To value
To cry or watch cry
To be willing to suffer
To dream
To be disappointed
To lie
To be exposed
To be sure
To doubt
A Body
1st Feeling: All I want is a body
Anybody
To hold close until her fears fall away
To hold until my pain fades into empty space
To fall asleep next to and to wake up and watch her breathe peacefully
2nd Feeling: All I want is your body
Only your body
To hold to make up for past mistakes
To hold to show that my love is still there
To kiss gently to show you that I'll always care
3rd Feeling: All I want is nobody
To be alone
To lay in the safety of knowing that I cannot lose what I don't have
To pretend that my body doesn't crave another
To avoid reality and feel nothing
Anybody
To hold close until her fears fall away
To hold until my pain fades into empty space
To fall asleep next to and to wake up and watch her breathe peacefully
2nd Feeling: All I want is your body
Only your body
To hold to make up for past mistakes
To hold to show that my love is still there
To kiss gently to show you that I'll always care
3rd Feeling: All I want is nobody
To be alone
To lay in the safety of knowing that I cannot lose what I don't have
To pretend that my body doesn't crave another
To avoid reality and feel nothing
Empty Room
There's an emptiness
in a room with black walls and light wooden laminated floors.
The room has white crescent moon molding and white funiture with black trim.
There is a stone fireplace with a wood burning fire roaring.
Still there is an emptiness.
There is a black coffee table in the center of the room,
atop a white sqaure rug.
There is a portrait of an angel staring upwards in a silver frame,
and a window with a view of a clear ocean.
Still there is an emptiness.
There is a purple grinder on the coffee table,
filled with a green substance.
Across from the portrait on the opposite wall is a mirror.
There is a statue of a woman on the left of the black and white couch.
Still there is an emptiness.
There is a white paper on the table to the left of the grinder,
also filled with a green substance.
To the right of the couch is a black round table.
There is a lamp with a silver frame sitting on top of that table.
Still there is an emptiness.
In the reflection of the mirror are the vacant eyes of a man
with a joint in his hand,
That burns a sweet smoke deep into his lungs,
just above his soul
where the emptiness lies.
in a room with black walls and light wooden laminated floors.
The room has white crescent moon molding and white funiture with black trim.
There is a stone fireplace with a wood burning fire roaring.
Still there is an emptiness.
There is a black coffee table in the center of the room,
atop a white sqaure rug.
There is a portrait of an angel staring upwards in a silver frame,
and a window with a view of a clear ocean.
Still there is an emptiness.
There is a purple grinder on the coffee table,
filled with a green substance.
Across from the portrait on the opposite wall is a mirror.
There is a statue of a woman on the left of the black and white couch.
Still there is an emptiness.
There is a white paper on the table to the left of the grinder,
also filled with a green substance.
To the right of the couch is a black round table.
There is a lamp with a silver frame sitting on top of that table.
Still there is an emptiness.
In the reflection of the mirror are the vacant eyes of a man
with a joint in his hand,
That burns a sweet smoke deep into his lungs,
just above his soul
where the emptiness lies.
Original
Rest in peace to originality.
All these people conforming is such a tragedy.
Look around and all you see is people committing mimicry.
And I pray to God they never mimic me.
It's a catastrophe that Originality has suffered so many causalities.
But when people imagine originality, they will imagine me.
This man here aiming to be unique.
Using the freedom that God gifted him with to think.
The one one oddball in a crowd, always that one guy out of sync.
So different from what you expect.
But so much better than all the rest.
So you people can abandon common sense if you dare.
But don't come crying to me about how life is unfair,
while strapped down waiting for the man to turn on your electric chair.
That's what following crowds gets you.
And this too goes for the ladies always chasing after the same types of dudes.
Instead of looking for someone striving to be an individual.
And if you don't like me then,
be out of my sight by the time my line ends.
All these people conforming is such a tragedy.
Look around and all you see is people committing mimicry.
And I pray to God they never mimic me.
It's a catastrophe that Originality has suffered so many causalities.
But when people imagine originality, they will imagine me.
This man here aiming to be unique.
Using the freedom that God gifted him with to think.
The one one oddball in a crowd, always that one guy out of sync.
So different from what you expect.
But so much better than all the rest.
So you people can abandon common sense if you dare.
But don't come crying to me about how life is unfair,
while strapped down waiting for the man to turn on your electric chair.
That's what following crowds gets you.
And this too goes for the ladies always chasing after the same types of dudes.
Instead of looking for someone striving to be an individual.
And if you don't like me then,
be out of my sight by the time my line ends.
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