Achievable Status

Sometimes I just wanna hug you and say, "it's ok" but it's not.

It never will be so I hope you feel that I feel for you in this silent embrace.
Darker times yet still may come your way.
To harden your soul like solid earth and not manipulative clay.
Now I must laugh; my mind's attempt to rationalize evil leaving a bitter taste.

One wrong for one wrong makes us even. Two wrongs for victory.

Are my thoughts and actions devil led?
Even more bitterness I taste from thoughts in my own head.
Consumed by anger I led a crusade.
Against one who I once longed to have at my side as my head laid.

Push away all doubts and moral thoughts. Plunge into detachment.

I did the deed flawlessly. Everything according to plan.
I couldn't tell if you were truly falling for me but I knew I'd hurt you.
Ignoring the consequences, I began to re-enter darkness.
Consumed by hatred realizing I was never truly that far from this.

And I don't know for sure but I bet you're doing better than me.
Three years later and I'm still not free.
Haunted by the passed moments and all my good and bad deeds.
I really tried to be but I just can't achieve the status of heartless.
Now I'm just off floating in the darkness.